Lifestyle Travel Blogs: The Narcissists Guide to ALWAYS selling Clickbait Marinated in Condescension

The “Lifestyle” travel blog. No other product or service could provide a fragile ego the attention it so desperately craves for validation. After all, the phrase "narcissist" cannot be spelled without the letter “I” - only the most important letter of the alphabet.

Lifestyle Travel Blogs – Capturing the FEELING of Exclusivity by MASTERING Vapid Content Creation

Good “lifestyle” travel blogs are all about two things: (1) tons of photos, and (2) long form commentary - which is largely ignored, but serves as excellent filler and implied whitespace between photo sets. Think of the commentary as the artificial meat filler and artificial color of listed ingredients on a package of hot dogs; largely disgusting and ignored, but necessary to make it borderline palatable and profitable.

Remember, filler is about texture – not substance. Much like chewing on some hotdog “meat” and feeling a sharp crunch of some bone chips or mystery debris carefully folded into the filler during processing might immediately draw your attention, good filler text has subtle interesting bits which immediately capture the reader’s attention.

Filler Content – CAPTURING Attention with "Truthy" Facts and Pics

Drawing the reader in to make them feel part of the experience, requires effectively capturing and clearly conveying your feelings of condescension and patronization. It’s channeling your inner Famewhore to reinforce Schadenfreude amongst the plebs and remind them how much better your life is relative to theirs. Haphazard, unedited, long form, unformatted block text alone cannot effectively capture and convey this experience.

Sprinkle in some significant dates with zero context or relationship to the filler content to create a sense of authority. Significant historical dates could include things like the expiration date of the milk in your refrigerator and the anniversary date of your divorce. Combine these with memorable slogans, clichés, and catchphrases from commercials, advertisements and historic figures with some name recognition.

For instance, you may touch upon how Davy Crockett wrote the song Born in the USA in 1776 while watching the cannon bombardment of the Alamo, and how it was later rebooted by Bruce Springsteen, which launched his music career.

We’re not trying to give a historic dissertation or please the Texas Board of Education with our latest Cliff’s Notes on history. We’re simply creating a pleasing break between photosets filled with light, “truthy” facts of interest.

Photographs – Let the POWER of Photoshop Make Exotic Vacations Affordable and Unleash the ENVY of the Plebs

Writing a lifestyle travel blog is all about the photos. In an effort to communicate the highest level of vapid possible, the focus must be on sheer quantity of photographs in exotic locations or exclusive restaurants. No worries if you run out of photos, the internet is full of exotic locations you can Photoshop yourself into.

There are two basic and foundational rules of etiquette which every aspiring lifestyle travel blogger should be aware of about when snapping lifestyle travel blog photos - specifically: sexy outdoor photoshoots and snapping food porn pics for the blog.

Sexy Outdoor Photoshoot Chemtrail Etiquette

There is no greater challenge to a lifestyle travel blogger than taking outdoor photos in a chemtrail-free area. Unless you're looking for your comment thread to be hijacked by concerned truthers, be vigilant and considerate to conspiracy theorists everywhere when choosing an outdoor photoshoot location.

ALWAYS Super Uber Macro Pics of Food

Nothing says esoteric and artsy in photography quite like uber macro close-up pics of EVERYTHING. Even if your plate looks a bit disorganized and grabasstic, uber close ups will always make it look more artsy and aesthetic.

Next time I'll touch on crafting a successful humanitarian travel blog.